~go home again~

Yupe,this is the 3rd the time i go back since come kl study,every time back also will have a messy mood,this time,don know how to decride it.

For this time,i didn't spent all my time for drinking o,just for something "meaningful?"thing for whole saturday.And wat that meaningful thing? say also got a bit sien sien. sunday are they de interplatoon drill competition,and yet,they are short of ppl for polishing,since i nothing to do,then i go for help lo.

arrive there,is still ok la,got quite amount of little girl there,luckily some of them still remember me,so won't make me like a mars alien.And still got some small conservation, so feel ok lo.what i really want to say is the part behide,after they go,we only have 5 ppl for polishing, the amount of ppl is right,but the amount of those damn and fuck 23 boots,is almost killing me already...The purpose i come back is for sleep la,idiot~ And become panda again at the another morning.

Even feel quite angry,but on the morning, see those small form 1 student,all angry are just gone,what i see is one after one cutie and naive face,seeing them don know how to wear uniform,wear the hell boot,all are so funny~But for those call"senior",haiz~~don know how to decride la,even that,i not a BB menber since long long ago~


For the whole competition,no command and no position to give,but suprising,my friend win a champion,it is so suprising,and me really feel happy for him,and hope that in future,everything for him also will success same as this time lo.And all the best for them cause they win a champion lo.


The very supprising thing,they are asking us for the group photo,is quite emberessing actually, since leave it so long time le,still can have a photo with them?did i fit?whatever,the picture taking during my thinking yes or no.And feel quite happy they still court us as a "Ex BB menber",i though after that case,my name will never related with it anymore,but,it true that they call us like that,the feel that time are really complicates lo.But,feel console.And,find out that i still missing the time before,if not,why i helping them?it is?


Even try to cheat myself,let gone be bygone,just forget it ba,but now still missing it,damn it,why i'm so emosional?i hate this kind of me.why i just canb't let it go?Why i just can't let go everything and start my new life here?Why i alway recall what happen before? But,such a beautiful memory,should i really forget it?No one can give me answer...


This time back,make me recall back many thing before,the place,the thing,and the friends. When them see me and say to me"you are back a?"or"ei,u come back le a?"or even just a "hello" also make me feel that come here,i really lost a lot,even know that in life,we need to change our friend several time when chaging an enviroment,but...just feel sad that need to say "keep in touch in future"...


And feel sorry for my mum,dad,and my 2 little brother,come back 2 day also didn't have a nice talks with you all,i'm missing you all,but don know how to talks it out,but is true i'm missing you.
For my dad and mum,i'm sure will study hard and let your have a confortable life in future , atleast won' t like now,I hate the condition now,the poor,the miserable,the misnderstanding,and the broken family.Just hope that this year flies faster,then i don't need to keep the lies anymore.
I feel very miserable now,so pllease fast end it,i cannnot take it anymore,just end it fast,please~


And now,i am still pretending everything are fine and nice,but can somehow change my life now? i really need to change now~